The Kanye Beanie

Currently Listening To: Black Skinhead by Kanye West

Kanye as Defined by Urban Dictionary:

1)To steal another person’s moment of acknowledgment, spotlight, and attention by interrupting them as they are talking

Bill interrupting Chris’ science presentation by standing in front of him and saying, “I think your presentation is lame, and I like butterflies.” (Bill busted a “Kanye”)

2)To possess an inflated sense of self and experience delusions of grandeur, and to act out on those delusions particularly in public settings

“Don’t get all Kanye on me”
On one gorgeous day in September I made one of the most important purchases of my life. I was wandering around the Artist’s and Flea’s market in Williamsburg Brooklyn when I came upon a table filled with beanies. There were beanies with emojis, and internet sensations, and celebrities galore, but one beanie stood out from all the others. It was a black beanie with Kanye West’s face sewn on right in the middle. I laughed and laughed at the thought of someone walking around New York with this hat on their head, and as I was imagining this person I suddenly realized the person was me. It was love at first sight, destiny if you will. I held the beanie with Kanye’s face in my hands and I saw our future together, oh man were we going to have some goooood times. That beanie made my goddamn day and I had to have it.
What does it mean to wear a Kanye Beanie though? It is no simple act, it is no ordinary beanie. The Kanye beanie possessed special powers.
Have you ever had one of those days where everything was going wrong starting from the minute you rolled out of bed? That is a Kanye day. That is the day that you take out your Kanye beanie, position it perfectly atop your head and TAKE ON THE WORLD. Because when you are wearing your Kanye beanie NO ONE will mess with you, NO ONE will get you down, and NO ONE can get in your way, it is your time to shine damn it.
It is really difficult to catch a New Yorkers attention, at least that’s what I thought until I wore my Kanye Beanie. I was complemented by every kind of person. A crazy guy on the subway stopped singing to him self for a moment to ask me how I got his face on my hat. A fellow Whole Foods shopper was distracted from the wall of organic grains in front of him to smile at me and say “That’s a great hat”. The Pret A Monger employee was taken aback when I approached his register and held up the line of hungry customers to say “That’s one interesting hat you’ve got on there.” The Security Guard in charge of watching over the priceless Picasso sculptures at the MoMA turned away from the crowds of tourists towards me to whisper “nice hat”. Not only will your Kanye beanie make your day, it will make just about everyone else’s day too.
All this to say…best $25 I’ve ever spent in my life.
Kanye (A.K.A. Sara)
p.s. Follow on Instagram @S_Vets

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